I find that the biggest obstacle for me in going is the fear of isolation and loneliness. I know the team would be great, but it is a very small group! And the realization that the locals would never be friends in the same way as I might have imagined is difficult. Of course in so many ways this situation is wonderful from a standpoint of contact with people. There are cell phones, an internet connection, and really a very decent sized team. (seven long term adults) There is regular travel to Kampala and opportunities to meet up with others there.

I guess what I am realizing as I think about this and try to look at it headfirst and decide whether it is simply part of the cost, or whether it is spiritual oppression, is that I have always had this fear as part of myself. With each place we have moved as a family, the fear of lack of community, lack of home, lack of belonging has been with me each time. Always, as we settle in, that fear goes away. Clearly there is a pattern here of gaining comfort and security in familiarity and supportive relationships. Nothing wrong with liking those things. But I definitely can see how Satan has continued to convince me that I NEED those people, those familiar surroundings. That I will not be okay without them. I tell my children, “home is wherever mom and dad are”. And more accurately for me, home is wherever God asks me to be, for He is always with me.

I know that there will be a giving up of many things to follow God’s leading. I also know that Satan is attempting to terrify me and take away the power and joy that God gives. When you think of our “call being where the desires of our hearts and the needs of the world intersect” we know there will be costs. But there should not be deep fear.

Please pray, if you can, alongside me that God would clarify that fear and take it away. That if we go, I could go rejoicing in both the desires of my heart and the needs of the world intersecting. “God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love and of a sound mind.