A busy day, we are close to evening once again. Four pm, Bible Study time. Today the children are smaller than usual, only about twenty-two. We sit in the kitubi, some on the wall, some on chairs and some on our mat. I sit in front of them on my low stool and Daniel sits next to me on his shoes. We are working our way through the life of Moses and the people of Israel under his leadership.

Today we hear about him receiving the ten commandments on Mt Sinai and about the people of Israel who remain at the foot of the mountain and quickly give up on God and Moses and choose to worship a golden calf they make themselves.

When our story had ended I spent some time discussing our hearts propensity to worship. I told them I see in my heart and the hearts of others that we are created to worship. We cannot live without bowing down to something. If we are not bowing down to Rohanga (God) we will worship something or someone else. I talked about a young woman worshipping a man she wishes to marry. Her eyes only for him, not for Jesus. I talked about young men worshipping education, their eyes on the power and success they may someday have. Daniel seemed to be heartfelt in his agreement as he translated and I had that familiar tug at my heart that told me the Holy Spirit was encouraging me to keep going.

We sat in silence for a few minutes and then I felt compelled to remind them that when God gives us the gift of hearing about Him, He is also increasing our responsibility to respond. I felt sobered by all that these kids are hearing about God. And sobered by their ability to respond or ignore.

Imagine my disappointment a few moments later when Daniel started asking some questions about the story and no one seemed to remember any of it. I was overcome by a wave of real tear-bringing discouragement. What in the world am I here for?? Do I have ANYTHING to offer ANYONE? (absolutes are a sure sign of Satanic attack)

I guess I really don’t have that much to offer anyone. I know that I am created beautifully and wonderfully and uniquely. And that God created me for reasons that no one else can fulfill. At the same time, God can offer everyone anything they need through the power of His Holy Spirit. Perhaps I find myself worshipping once again, not at His throne, but at the throne of my own accomplishments, my own satisfaction at success.
I asked Daniel a few minutes later if the story was too difficult or not told at the right level. He said the kids were only feeling shy and perhaps still processing. I know that none of that is the point, for me. Am I confident enough that this is what God is asking me to do that I can do it daily without evidence of transformation, without the satisfaction of some kind of productivity? Can I find my satisfaction in fulfilling who He designed me to be, in living out of His power, in believing what He says is true?

Not easy for people-pleaser me.

Each time I pray over someone here, usually accompanied by the translation to Lubwisi of either Daniel or Muhamooza, I find myself whispering Jesus name as I close ” in the powerful name of Jesus”. And as I find the translator also bowing his voice in reverence to “Yesu Christo”, am constantly in awe of His majesty, of His solitary presence. He alone is worth worshipping. Worship Him with me.