death unveils the hope of heaven
Yesterday seven year old Innocent died. You can read the moving story at Jennifer’s blog, www.paradoxuganda.blogspot.com. I can’t do justice to any of it here, I was not close enough.
Last night, barely hearing of her death, I was immersed once again in my own angst, the weight of the world on my shoulders as I came face to face as always with my inability to make the kind of difference that would bring me value and joy. (as written in the last post)
Meanwhile a mother mourns her daughter, a daughter only one year older than my own, who only a few days ago was healthy and flourishing, ready to face the world. Ready to bring her own beautiful and unique gifts to the people of her world.
Today I listen over and over again to “I can Only Imagine” - which unveils the only antidote I know both to the pain of death and to my own soul’s suffering through brokenness. The only antidote I know; standing in the presence of Jesus and God the Father, complete, whole and painless at last.
This song is the most beautiful description of heaven I know of . . . .
I can only imagine what it will be like
When I walk by your side
I can only imagine what my eyes will see
When your face is before me
I can only imagineSurrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel
Will I dance for you Jesus
Or in awe of you be still
Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing hallelujiah
Will I be able to speak at allI can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself standing in the sun
I can only imagine when all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you.
As I close my eyes and let the tears fall I can see little Innocent, truly innocent at last, beautiful and graceful in her amazing African way, dancing before Jesus, pain-free, no longer suffering from sickle cell, poverty, hunger . . . . Delighting in her Daddy King.
Stop. Think. With clarity. Meditate on this for a moment in time.
When you were a little girl, did you think then that you would be where you are now?
Did you think at 14 you would grow into a Godly woman and marry a Godly man?
Did you think that you would have 2 beautiful children?
Did you think you would have planned for the trip you are on now?
Did you have an absolute answer to these questions I ask you now when you were 5, 10, 15, even 20 years old?
My guess is probably not.
GOD does not reveal all to us in our time. He does not give us our lives and tell us to “just add water” and watch the miracles grow instantaneously in front of us. He is working on you, your husband, your children; but not always for you to see the differences you’re making in other peoples lives “instantly”.
When you were pregnant with Naomi, never having given birth before, you could only imagine what your life would be like; you had no certainty of what it would TRULY be like until she became part of your family, your life. The same happened with Quinn.
GOD does not always reveal things to us, what our lives will be like 2 years from now, 5, 10, 20, this afternoon, tomorrow, next week.
What He does show us is the precious moments right in front of our faces, but only if we step back and TRULY look. Sometimes when you’re in the center of the life around you, it’s hard to take a step back and see what others see.
You, my friend, are not put there specifically for the people you are intertwined with day in and day out. You are there to be a teacher to people half way around the world, the ones who read your blog on a daily basis.
HE has given you gifts that you cannot see now. But think back a moment, think about what you know now compared to who you were 6 months ago, 2 years ago, from when you were a very small girl.
There are times in our lives that GOD opens our eyes to what HE wants us to see and other times that HE doesn’t reveal everything because we are not ready or equipped to see what it is that we are to learn.
Be patient with yourself. In time, as you look back at the times you are having now, you will see what it is that HE has planned for you. Start by re-reading your own blog; but from the very beginning. You will begin to see what I see ……..
a Godly woman whom I am proud to call my friend