” Real listening is being willing to let the other person change you. ”
I read this quote today, from some obscure “celebrity”. But it really hit home. I couldn’t agree more . . .real listening is being willing to let the other person change you.
How willing am I?
I am struck these days by the complete self-orientation of my heart. Self-preservation, self-protection, self-care . . . These are the heart of who I am. Jesus came to be served and to give His life as a ransom for many. I am still looking for someone to serve me.
What lessons am I learning here? I am learning how to be wary, cynical, distrusting. I am learning to ask hard questions catching people off balance so they tell the truth without meaning to. I am learning how to check and double check every letter, every paper and every story for accuracy. I am learning that though I may not have anything else to offer, people will come to me for money no matter what.
It’s a difficult thing because the way I look at it, people here use me mercilessly. But when you take a harder look at trying to understand cultural issues as relates to relationship, I find that here, the exchange of money solidifies relationship. Whereas to me, asking a friend for money is something you just don’t do.
Some days I may see person after person, each coming to “greet” . . . . As well as request money, food, uniforms, etc. Though I want to give generously and love people through a meeting of their physical needs we have also found that many people abuse our generosity by avoiding work, failing to feed their kids, or not bothering to use their own money for necessities because they know we’ll give them more. I become more hard hearted out of my own compassion, because I want to see the long term good of these people, rather than their short term gain at the expense of their family. Then I go back and question both my hard heartedness and my compassion. How should I be responding? What does love look like right here, right now for this person? Holy Spirit, HELP!
I must start from a viewpoint that says neither you nor I nor any one holds a monopoly on truth and a right way of living. Only God holds truth - and God’s way of living is the right way. That may just sound like semantics, because of course we must all apply what God says about living to our own situations. But for me, that reminds me that to say someone else’s way of doing things is wrong is something I mustn’t say without very careful consideration. I must be willing to listen to their lives, hearts, actions in such a way that I am willing to see change in myself rather than change in them.
David shared with me a small epiphany he had the other day . . . As we like to say ” a blinding flash of the obvious.” Feeling annoyed, impatient and frustrated once again at the constant demands of people, he realized on his way to a missionary home, to ask for something, that we really aren’t any different. Most times we go to people to ask for something, and most times we go to God with a request as well. And even more importantly, he realized that asking for something is really a very relational thing to do. Holding out empty hands is a beautiful picture of what God’s grace is all about. In a way, God created us to come to Him with our needs, so probably that is what he created us as a common humanity to do as well - to share and meet needs. Pray for me to listen with my heart, and to be willing to be changed.