This post was written last week, but no internet connection till now . . . .
We have left Bundibugyo and are now in Jinja – a good size city on the other side of the country. We will spend a week here with team and extended team, about thirty in all, resting, immersing ourselves in conversation with God and each other. Ruthann and Stu and Donovan (whm VIPS) are here to facilitate this time for us and shepherd us through our soul work. Everyone is really looking forward to the time.
After the rush of leaving, being here feels a bit surreal. It’s hard to believe I won’t be back in bgo for another ten weeks or so. We said lots of goodbyes. There’s always the fear in the locals hearts that the leaving missionary just won’t come back. Of course that’s happened before due to health or family issues – - but in some cases perhaps the leaving missionary knew they probably wouldn’t come back but weren’t able to face that truth with themselves or locals. I tried to tell people clearly – “we are coming back . . .” But I also asked them to pray for us, that God would open the way to come back well by clearing current health issues and answering the significant needs for funds for the school. CSB (Christ School) staff prayed over us before we left, as we tried to make them partners (through knowledge and prayer) in our work of fundraising. It’s good for them to know that even in America finding money for projects is very hard work. Our church prayed over us and presented us with a small local gift. Many nationals came by to stay muganda mucuma – go with God – and of course to look for that last financial gift that might keep them afloat in our absence. We were already obligated to a significant amount of giving pre-trip due to sponsorship fees due to our students in high school and universities and other up-front needs. It was sad in a way to have to say no to all those late-comers but also freeing to be able to say goodbye without the unpleasantness of thinking about how much to give.
After the packing up for a week here in Jinja plus a separate pack for the six weeks in America, plus closing up our house to be unoccupied for that length of time, I slept DEEPLY last night but woke early to fear and a sense of slowly and reluctantly pushing off from shore. One of our good Ugandan friends, traveled with us to Kampala yesterday and then on to Mbarara for work. We said our goodbye to him yesterday and for me that was the first of a few significant ropes holding us here at the shore in Uganda. It’s hard to leave him (and his family and all the relationships our connection with him has come to symbolize) behind in the uncertainty of this country and particularly the hardship of bgo and the instability there. Last night and this morning I found myself crying for the loss of security that comes with change and having more than one home. I am asking God for grace both to be present with my own emotions and also to be a stabilizer for my kids emotions. None of this seems to phase David at all so he often acts as calm among the storm for us! (although some might say he is just not as in touch with his emotions!)
This morning as I talked to God about my heart and where it’s both joyful and hurting I opened my Bible to Psalms and found myself at Psalm 91, a pretty extraordinary answer to my fear.
He who dwells in the shadow of the most high Will rest in the shelter of the almighty I will say of the Lord he is my refuge and my fortress My God in whom I trust.
The poem/song goes on to talk about the many ways that God will shelter us; and what is striking is how much they’ve applied to my life over this year. Specific references to danger from lions and snakes – been there. Diseases, night danger, fire from weapons, and more disease – God HAS sheltered and protected me from all these this year. The verses about many around me falling from these dangers remind me of the many funerals and burials of this year in bgo. It is a place of much death.
The Psalm ends:
Because he loves me, Says the Lord I will rescue him I will protect him Because he acknowledges my name He will call upon me And I will answer him I will be with him in trouble And deliver and honor him.
This doesn’t mean that I’m not going to suffer – what it means is that God is for me, with me, around me, always knowing, loving me and able to work for my good and His honor. God’s people in bgo will suffer too but God is their God.