Thursday they took ten vials of my blood, I got three shots, a chest x-ray and several mini-lectures from my doctor on why Africa is not a good place for everyone to live. Yea, I know.
The untold hardships of missionary life include holding my crying kids down for more shots they wouldn’t need if we didn’t live in a part of the world with icky diseases everywhere. It’s these small things that sometimes get to me . . . .
Today I got back the first of my results from blood work indicating that my thyroid is losing function, something I’ve been suspecting from my symptoms and health history. Feels good in that it may be an explanation for my tiredness and nausea – meaning that I could go back to Uganda feeling a lot better and with a lot more energy for daily life which would be amazing. Feels bad in that I have to wait on more testing and doctors to have any idea for what this actually means.
I have TobyMac’s “Made to love” on permanent repeat in my earphones right now. I love this song:
“I was made to love you I was made to find you I was made just for you Made to adore you I was made to love And be loved By you.
You were here before me You were waiting for me And you said you’d keep me Never would you leave me. I was made to love And be loved By you Daddy I’m on my way . . . .
Anything I would give up for you Everything I’d give it all away”
I’m made to love Him and be loved by Him – how much more central can you get than that? How strongly can I say that my faith is NOT about religion. It’s about a relationship with an amazing God who was here before me, who’s watching over me, and who made me both to love and be loved by Him. And that relationship, as in some small way symbolized by any man worth eloping over, is worth anything and everything given up, given away . . . . . He made me to adore Him and as He loves me faithfully, tenderly, patiently, uniquely . . . I fall more and more in love with Him.
Trust can be hard. I find I constantly reevaluate my life and my time, making new plans and contingencies. Because though I trust Him, I feel safer when I work out all the details for myself. Right now it’s about getting back to Ugandan where our “real” lives are. Questions about schooling, money, and our ministry fill my head when I think about prolonging our time in America for health reasons. As much as I gave up to be in Uganda, it’s the place I love and want to be these days . . . . . But I was made to love and be loved by Him – and all this is in his plan. I’m getting on board with the not-knowing, the uncertainty, and rejoicing in the adoring of Him . .. . . And in knowing that He truly calls me beloved.
And if we have to be away from our lives in Uganda for longer than we hoped this is the place to do it!! We’re so thrilled to be back in relationships with friends and family.