One of the joys of running a large boarding school is discipling the staff. In fact, if you ask David, that’s the greatest joy, or at least the biggest job, we have. At this stage in the school’s development, thanks to Kevin and JD, we have a pretty secure foundation, a stable and large school population, a significant staff, some of whom have shown amazing potential for leadership of students and other staff. And that of course is the future of the school. Without strong local teachers, heads of departments, discipline masters and madames, cell group leaders, football coaches, developers of clubs and career guidance; we are bound to move forward slowly, painfully and not quite helpfully with our students. Local Ugandan staff (especially the Babwisi and Bukonjo representatives of our local tribes) provide the cultural perspective and the having-lived-it that we can never give. Many have walked the road of escaping early marriage or having experienced polygamy personally. Others are making decisions daily about how many children they can really support (vs bearing children as a status symbol to show off their virility), or how much of their salary will be invested in the education of their progeny. Women are struggling with what it means to be educated and working yet a biblical woman. All are figuring out what to value in traditional cultures and what can be discarded due to its’ dangerous, superstitious, or ridiculous nature. All this to say, the point of view of our staff is invaluable. We are more disposable. We’re here to keep encouraging everyone, to provide a point of reference for academic and behavioral standards, to obtain and manage necessary funding, to learn and grow as we watch Africa develop in the people before us, to see and be willing to report on what God does and how He does it.
So how do we react to staff relationships? How much do we interfere with casual relationships that may be little more than physical intimacy? As 350 students watch the adults in their lives, the staff, how do we shepherd those adults into healthy, positive, growing relationships that are respectful and biblical. What is a marriage? What is a wedding? How tightly can we control environments to keep men out of the girls compound and boys away from the male staff wives. How many chances do we give when the men we work with have often never been told what is inappropriate in the workplace (physically suggestive touch, for example). How do we handle the different styles of dress; a female staffer might believe pants are a sign of modernity and education while a male staffer might find them promiscuous on a woman. These are the same questions that students are asking mostly through their behavior. One returned from a trip through the fence (against the rules) buck naked; apparently the father of the girl he visited decided taking his clothes was just punishment for the crime and would allow him the shame of explaining to others where his clothes went. (for the record, his claim: ” I gave them to some people who needed them”)
We need wisdom, discretion, clear conversations and listening ears. We need to be willing to be wrong in what we believe is “appropriate” yet we need to be willing to say hard things when the occasion calls for it. I don’t care what your culture is; some things are still sexual harassment. I don’t care what your cultural view of marriage is; intimacy without commitment isn’t in line with the respect that God asks us to give our own bodies. And allowing students to watch or model these behaviors is a certain way to show them destruction. And yet, we know, we believe, that forcing behavior isn’t the way to change hearts.
And in the midst of these questions, the daily scenarios, the suspensions and letters of warning, the encouragement and forgiveness and love: we are just two humans also working out our lives and our love in God’s presence. Two humans, also struggling to show each other respect, love, intimacy and trust. And we too are watched; by thirty staff and their families, by three hundred and fifty students. We can hope that as they see our many mistakes, as they make their own, what flows through is the grace of God, his strength in our weakness, his forgiveness a constant, his mercy never-ending.