“A” is one of two women who work for me. She comes daily at nine am to sweep all the floors, clean out the sinks, empty garbage and burn it and cook our bread. She is a lifesaver! After a year working with men I am so thankful for this calm and gentle woman who loves us so well through her work. “A” has had five children, four of whom are still living, and has been culturally married for a number of years. Culturally married means that her husband has paid part of her dowry (women are still sold here – normally for a combination of goats and other material goods but sometimes cows are also involved) and that her parents have agreed for her to live with him and produce his children with the promise that someday he will pay the rest of the dowry.

It was working reasonably well except for some small issues like a controlling and abusive husband, not enough money to go around, and frequently sick kids. Unfortunately, despite this relatively happy arrangement, A’s husband tired of her. Perhaps much of his unhappiness was related to her desire to limit the number of children she gave birth to. It seems she was concerned with some strange things like the ability to care for those kids; feeding, education and medical care (all of which are provided sporadically for most of Bundibugyo’s children because of this issue of too many children). But for A’s husband, number of children is an indicator of his manhood, his virility and power, and therefore extremely important. A’s husband decided to take another wife to provide some physical diversions as well as more kids. He used his salary and stole A’s to pay the dowry for this other woman; then he accused A of unfaithfulness, beat her to the point that people believe he meant to kill her (neighbors intervened and restrained him), and told her not to come back until she was ready to live with the other wife.

A has always told her husband that despite the common cultural norm of polygamy, she believes that one woman with one man is good for all concerned. She has always said that the day he decides to take a second wife is the day their marriage is over. Now she is refusing to join this polygamous scheme and requesting that she still be allowed to raise their children on the land they bought together as an inheritance for their firstborn son.

So what are the issues? Ugandan men are considered legally and morally superior to women. A man who leaves his wife (beats his wife, is unfaithful to his wife) must have had good grounds, based on the women’s behavior to do it. Women have no legal rights to their children which are owned by the fathers whether or not the men are interested in providing care. Right now A’s children are being cared for by a family relative as A is not allowed to care for them without submitting to her husband’s control. He isn’t interested in caring for the kids – she is living less than 1/2 a mile away and rarely sees them. Women are also not entitled to land ownership and even though they have contributed their own funds to buy this land will rarely be granted permission to live on it or farm it without their husband. Again, women are the primary farmers and gardeners yet the produce of their land rarely belongs to them. The police typically side with the men in a place where there are far fewer scruples about the law anyway. A ran to the police the night of her beating to request their help but was refused.

There is some hope. New human rights organizations supported by such foundations as the Global Fund for Women have done good work in Uganda (probably not all good, but much good). I hear that Bundibugyo even has some offices for these organizations and we (mostly her closest male relative) are planning an appeal for A to keep her family and her home despite the intense cultural opposition to a woman’s fighting for what is rightfully hers – she is opposing not only her violent husband but an entire community. Most women don’t even realize they have these kinds of options so I am proud of A for becoming educated and being willing to be so strong.

Can you imagine? A has lost almost everything; her husband to another woman, her children to their father’s control, her home including almost all her possessions, her salary to fund his lifestyle, her physical safety, her dignity and respect, her status in the community and the list goes on and on. She is going on with peace and some joy because she knows that despite having no father and no husband and being separated from her children, she has an eternal Father who loves her and cares for her. Pray for her to be strong. And pray for my intense anger to be righteous anger which God uses for good. And don’t forget that I tell you A’s story not because it is so heinous but because it is so typical – this is the lot of most women in this place. A is choosing to fight for her freedom. Most women choose to live a life as a second and passed-by wife, being verbally abused and beaten as their son’s grow to disdain women as much as their father does and their daughters grow learning that a woman must give her body to the man who asks for it, in whatever way he asks. This is real evil.