I cried this week when I opened our monthly donations statement from the mission, outlining the gifts given to Christ School in the last month. Several people had made large one time gifts, others had begun generous monthly giving amounts. It was an amazing answer to a daring prayer of faith: ” God provide for this school.” The prayer hasn’t ended yet, we are only at 50% of what we need each month for the school and we are desperate for more funding to keep our school running well. Still, 50% is amazing progress against the harsh realities of money amidst what is meant to be an eternally centered life. God showed us this month that he is at work in hearts and lives and that we can continue to trustingly ask Him to provide. I needed that, God knows I did.

I am currently reading a Scotty Smith book, Reign of Grace. In it he has a chapter titled Romantic Generosity which holds this quote: ” Giving isn’t the primary measure of our generosity, rather it a symbol of our joyful surrender to a lifestyle of stewardship, and a refusal to be seduced by the illusion of ownership.” I LOVE that, a refusal to be seduced by the illusion of ownership. Jesus owns me, but I have no need to own anything. I belong to the owner of the cattle on a thousand hills, He has enough to cover my needs.

When we left the States we got rid of almost all our possessions. One of the most striking things God did during that time was to softly and surely ask us to sell our home to friends at half of it’s value. We did it with very little thought, only the surety that He wanted them to have it and that what He provides will be enough for us. As if in response, we raised our one time needs and monthly needs for our personal support in record-breaking fashion – people giving quickly and generously, our not lacking a thing.

But some days I have wondered . . . . if we had sold that house for it’s true value, think of what that money could have done at Christ School? I have thought that perhaps that money could have been wisely spent to shore up our financial situation at the school, to provide for expansions. I have briefly and hesitantly questioned God’s calling on my heart in that situation – God did you REALLY know what you were doing? Yet I know that when I think that way I am thinking with the wisdom of the world; which says THAT much money can equal THIS much gain. God thinks bigger than that, his economy is about far more than finances. I know His plan is good even though I groan while waiting for the most needful of money for our project here.

I don’t want to be seduced by the illusion of ownership. I want to be owned by Jesus. I live in a house owned by the mission, drive a car owned by the mission, and accumulate some possessions, most of which will have to be given away when we someday leave this place, it’s not easy to transport things across continents. But I truly feel rich. We were asked last night by a friend, a short term missionary here, how we think we will live when we someday return to America. All we know is that we want not to be seduced by the illusion of ownership. We want to be rich in what we give away, rich in what we do not have. It’s amazingly freeing to be dependent on Him.

And we get to experience a little bit of God’s side of a love-drive economy. As people give generously and sacrificially of their resources to us here, we get to see how God uses that money in simple and practical ways and in stunning and surprising ways. We get to see money being used to buy real food for real stomachs that have often been hungry. And we get to see money used to provide class trips that open doors to visions and dreams that our students have never known to imagine. Most of all we are aware that the money you spend here does eternal work, impacts hearts, changes lives and directs destiny. Pretty amazing stuff.