I’m reading Contemplative Youth Ministry and thinking deeply about what it means to love the kids in our school, to love people . . . And to be loved. Unavoidably, inescapably, these thoughts bring us back to experiencing the love and presence of God. We can’t help others to experience Him if we ourselves aren’t touched by His presence.

I’ve been thinking about this within the context of marriage. Since I am reading through Captivating with my book study group, I have noticing the universality of a woman’s desire to be pursued, noticed, desired, CONSIDERED. That last word is one I had not thought much of before. It’s true though, we want to be considered. We want to be noticed and to be noticed with thoughtful regard. Perhaps this is really true of all people, but women’s needs are more acutely felt and expressed in this regard. I know I need that and a lack of consideration is an easy way for me to felt hurt, unknown and unloved.

One practice Contemplative Ministry discusses is the Lectio Divina – an ancient practice of meditation and reflection using Biblical words as a starting point. The other day I began my morning by using Psalm 90 for the lectio – I have been finding it difficult to wake early these mornings and often don’t get time alone with God, yet I am clearly thirsting for him, I need His presence and His comfort. Lectio is so simple as it requires reading a short passage three times and then waiting for God to reveal personal truth from the passage. It is not study or exegesis or passionate prayer, it is a showing up.

The verse God showed me from Psalm 90 was this, as read in the The Message: “awaken me with your love in the morning, then I will sing and dance all day long.” I felt God was calling me to time with him, calling me to awake each morning, to spend time in his presence, to reap the joy of being close with him. He was asking me to consider Him, much like women world-round call for their husbands to consider them. Today I read another quote, “God is right there, it is YOU who have gone for a long walk.” And Psalm 22 says (in the Message) “He has never wandered off to do his own thing; He has been right there, listening.”

While I wish that God was more connected with me, that He spoke more quickly and clearly to my heart, that we were working more hand-in-hand; God is asking me to spend time with him, to acknowledge and enjoy His presence, to consider him. He doesn’t ask out of an incompleteness in Himself, yet somehow He is completed by relationship, something like we are. I wish for God not to be distant, and He wishes that I would make time to hear His heart and to pour out mine. Sounds a lot like the universal withes of women within marriage!

My heart is thirsty yet I drink from cracked cisterns, from pots whose water is ever-flowing away. God calls me to drink His water of life and I complain that I can’t hear him, can’t see him, don’t know how to find him. Just show up, He asks, much like I ask my husband to sit and talk with me. Wait in my presence, enjoy just being with me, then My heart will become clear and we will walk hand in hand, He says.

And what joy that will be – the slaking of a deep, dry thirst.