Thursday of this week our team gathered to discuss our relationship with the local church. With many of our team who have been involved in church planting and discipleship gone or soon going, we need to be on the same page with what kind of support, encouragement, time and programs we are able to give the local church. It was a three hour long meeting that barely touched the real issues of our fears, hopes, dreams and disappointments with how holistic ministry intersects with the life of the local church. All of us wish we could do and be more, but we have to accept our limitations. In January we will meet for vision planning as a group and will have new chances to think about how we may be able to partner with local churches to share the gospel through mercy ministry and evangelism.

My mom sent me a book by Helen Rosevare, an olden-days missionary to Congo, back when things were REALLY tough. She said it reminded her of me but in truth I felt shamed by it. Felt shamed by how little I sacrifice here, how much I protect my time and my health and my family. It’s a crazy hard balance to keep. And perhaps my perspective can be skewed. Relating to the local church is part of that picture. For most of us we take Sunday as our Sabbath – a true day of rest when we escape many of our daily cross cultural interactions to renew ourselves within our homes, hearts and family relationships. But working with churches is a Sunday based activity. How do we do it all and do it well? Of course the answer is that we don’t do it all and most of it we don’t do very well either. Pray that He will give us clarity on how we spend our time, what sacrifices He is asking us to make and a reassurance that He has already paid the ultimate price.

I had a little scare recently that made me suspect my kids my not be as safe on-campus as I hoped. Since then I have spent the last week and a half monitoring them both constantly; supervising every interaction and stressing myself out with it all. Can I keep them safe? No. Do I have a responsibility to take healthy precautions and be aware of their exposures? Yes. God help us to balance what our fearful hearts don’t know how to handle.

Staff meetings usually end up centering around something David hadn’t planned to talk about – good, but frustrating. This last week meetings turned to third term elective offerings and general curriculum discussions. I was reminded, as David and I talked through what he had learned and how he had responded, that ALL of this feels impossible. Which is why we must not allow for Impossibles in our lives.

We follow the national Ugandan curriculum in the hopes that our students will pass the national Ugandan exams but its quite hard to even determine some of the most basic things which might help us and the students succeed. For example, which subjects are compulsory as part of this high school education program? When David talked to the leadership team about this he was faced with new questions; what does compulsory even mean here in Uganda? It became clear after hours of conversation that no one is quite sure what subjects are compulsory in Uganda or even what it means for a subject to be compulsory.

In another example we recently went to the Ministry of Education looking for a list of approved textbooks. Surely a country with standard national exams for EVERY subject would have approved textbooks that the exams are based on. We found a list so outdated the the Ministry advised us not to use it. So we start from scratch, questioning other schools, talking to teachers, trying to reinvent the wheel as we choose textbooks in rural Uganda. It’s a clear waste of time and energy not to mention the money that can be spent on buying books that don’t work out well.

We began a new meal card system as part of our efforts to control the incredible food costs. Three meals per student, per day; 90 per month. The meals are certainly sufficient in size; normal size plates are mounded to several inches high with starch and a protein sauce; David can barely finish it. The second day of classes I was doing furniture inventory in the s3 classroom and had to laugh at the creative slogans posted on the chalkboard by enterprising students. In big cartoon bubbles, such messages as, “Four free eggs to the first person to defeat the meal plan by gaining access to at least two meal servings in one period.” Yes, these students are wonderful impossible also.

Power went out in one of our two classroom blocks just ten minutes after preps started on the first evening back. David went over to trouble shoot the next day and found the problem. In the absence of the proper lubricating material for battery connections, David had used an acceptable alternative, petroleum jelly, available locally. Problem is that African petroleum jelly contains a whole lotta extra junk. The batteries did not like it and David spent a morning cleaning every connection and reapplying pure petroleum jelly he found when we were in Kampala.

These are some of the impossibles of the week here, which, as you see, are not really impossibles. For with God, ALL things are possible. A sense of humor is helpful if not essential, and also a sense of perspective. This began before us and will continue long after us; we’re a part of this pictures, a piece of the puzzle of what God is doing here. He will not fail or succeed because of us.

From Monday:

Prayers were answered in an unexpected way as we experienced a total down day today due to Naomi’s vomiting all morning long. It wasn’t too fun for her but it did give us a peaceful friends-free day which we all badly needed and I can really feel the difference.

David spent the day in meetings and preparations for the new term. Students began trooping in this afternoon and they are still coming as I write, sitting in my front yard in the light of the setting sun. Naomi is beside me on the porch, cooking African-style with homemade charcoal on a tin can charcoal grill with food sizzling on top. She loves it. Meanwhile Quinn and his boy friends are catching grasshoppers . . . As long as they don’t use Naomi’s “stove” to start roasting them alive to eat ( a real delicacy here) I’ll be happy.

Teacher friends who I haven’t seen for the last month are back and I’m so glad to see them. I’m remembering the things I love about term-time here, like friendships and book study and laughter and connections with people I care about. So thank you for holding me up before the Father. He sees, He hears and He knows.

Happy Birthday Quinn!

We celebrated Quinn’s birthday today, one month earlier than his actual October 10th birth-day. Gaby, his best friend here, will leave for his move to Sudan on October 5th and a birthday without him was unthinkable. So Quinn celebrated 6, though he’s not quite six. He’s the kind of kid that just rolls with it.

The book Captivating says the question that all little boys ask is “do I have what it takes?”. We certainly see that in Quinn who is constantly challenging himself and looking for new adventures. At his request we designed a Knight party to celebrate the quest for manhood and the legend of King Aurthur and Excaliber which he has been fascinated by recently. We made Coat of Arms Shields and watched Sword in the Stone for the first time. Then we went on the Quest that David had created which include a wizard messenger appearing in a dark robe to hand Quinn a scroll and map. Quinn’s face as he saw David appearing like this was absolutely priceless.

The group of team kids and a few of Quinn’s best local friends journeyed around the yard and campus climbing trees, ascending a ladder to the top of a water tank, slaying a cardboard dragon and finally killing the bad Knight to gain Excaliber.

Of course, fascinatingly, Quinn is truly struggling to be enough. We found him a decent bike in Kampala and bought it for his birthday, replacing the one he has been riding which barely rolls. The bike is big, though, and Quinn couldn’t quite talk himself into taking the risk of practicing on it, leading me to ponder; how do we help boys to see that they’re enough not because they’re enough but because He in them makes them enough? Because if we try to answer those questions in our own abilities, Satan will defeat us every time. He knows that we are not enough; only God in us can have what it takes.

Ashley helped me create two really fun cakes, including a huge stone brownie with a butcher knife stuck in for the famed Sword in the Stone and a beautiful stone castle.

Can’t believe my baby is six.

It is with a bit of dread (honestly, always honest here) that we welcome our student body back tomorrow. Our eighty candidates will be joined by another 240 boys and girls and the hectic pace will begin again. Have our lifestyle changes, our preparations, our prayers, our plans . . .been enough??

My heart is fearful of more chaos and more just-getting-by, but I have some excitement too. I’m excited to see students come back. I’m excited by how much most of them look forward to the restart of the term, just as they looked forward to going home for their term break. I have been working on re-opening our CSB school library and it is almost ready for use with a contained book room and a separate reading area for candidate students. I think students will feel loved and cared for by that space and the improved access to textbooks. We are also working on some changes to student discipline which may just add more work but could end in some positive changes to the environment. I’m excited to work with our sponsored students, and excited to review the s3 students community service work.

Meanwhile my kids and most of the staff kids have one more week of school break and so that, for me, means one more week of vigilance and hosting many many children each and every day. I am so thankful for my kids’ friendships – a truly miraculous answer to prayer. But it is a LOT of work to facilitate these friendships, to watch over the dangers introduced into my kids lives, to help interpret between languages and cultures and give good boundaries to all. I am tired from it and perhaps resentful so I need God’s reminders that this is what I asked Him for.

David and I have been spending a lot of time looking at money, upcoming projects and the future of Christ School in terms of the quality of academics and the sustainability of the finances. No big announcements yet, but we see God moving and teaching us and we continue to mull and pray over the possibilities for next year.
And we miss Luke. Dinner table discussions at our house have centered around when our kids might go to boarding school in Kenya; they think it sounds cool. Meanwhile I am fighting just to try to relinquish them the little bit I have to for allow all the cool African relationships that they are developing. And I ask God that He wouldn’t demand more of them than I am able to give.

I feel fragile. Luke leaving; we all face the reality that this life is HARD, that is requires death and separation and pain. The Massos in their final month count down here and every day brings reminders that our great, great friends are leaving. Shut down, my heart says, don’t be close to the people that you so easily lose. A great friend in America emailed me today to tell me she is pregnant for the second time and I just cried. I miss HER and miss so badly being somewhere where my thoughts and experiences and heart seem to make some sense. Today I am badly homesick – for Papa Johns pizza and Snickers bars and girl-talk and Mariners Church and one hundred other things. So pray for my husband who is balancing my teetering emotions along with the weight of the school and what seems to be a broken finger from a fun game of football today. No dull moments.

As I type, students are crammed onto our front porch, computers on laps, bodies hunkered down on hard wooden benches, eyes fixed on the glowing screens on front of them.

They are experiencing the internet for the first time, courtesy of our home wireless system. We’d like to provide the same thing for the school but the power needs are beyond what is practical or prudent. So the small class of computer students come here, for the first time, to learn what a URL is and to open up the amazing world of internet searching. David is showing them how to find online newspapers, how to buy products online, how to use google and wikipedia and other search forums. It’s pretty astounding to hear him explaining all of this totally from scratch to these 18 year old boys!
Imagine not even knowing what www stands for, or having to grasp for the first time what a google hit actually gives you. For students who have never owned a book of their own in their whole lifetime, the world suddenly opens up. I get so excited thinking about their possible futures, about how big their worlds may be. About all the things they may dream and learn and understand and experience and develop . . . .

It’s a Saturday morning at Christ School and minds are growing, hearts are grasping new hope and wonder and I, well, I’m just happy about it.

Much has happened in the Christ School kitchen over the last several months. Weary of conflicts, poor quality, inadequate quantities and ever-burgeoning prices we finally let our former kitchen manager go at the end of 2nd term. Though we are a community that seeks to find imperfect people and continue building and growing them into what God desires for their lives, sometimes we find that the best solution for everyone is a change. I can say with certainty that we gave as much as we could in possible chances for redemption and that our hearts were and are committed to this person’s true growth and greater knowledge of the reality of the gospel in her life.

We rehired two new people who will share this enormous and hugely important job: Wilson who is in charge of menu planning, budgeting, buying and inventory and Kastoli who supervises meal productions for 400 daily using those supplies. We have also let several troublesome side-taking kitchen workers go. So far the team has worked beautifully together, though we are cooking for a reduced load these days as 2/3 of our students are home on break. We are hopeful, though realistic, that this could mean a significant improvement not only in our daily lives but in the lives of everyone on campus.

Sadly, trouble still follows. On Friday night, Wilson, carrying money to buy food in the Saturday market was held at machete point in his house while his money was stolen. Tied up so tightly that we could still see the marks the next day, his neck was cut as they held the “ponga” (as machetes are innocently called here; most often used for farming) there and threatened him with death if he didn’t tell them where the money was hidden. Brave Wilson kept silence as they searched his house but they later figured out his trick and found the money in his pants pocket where he had hidden it for safe-keeping during his sleep. Cutting the pocket out of his pants with the machete (and leaving another small wound) they took almost 1 million shillings and left.

And so we learn more of life here. Keep no discernable habits where money is concerned; protect all who handle what you own. Here in Bundibugyo people think we are rich because we spend money on what they consider ” extras” for students; good food and other supplies. It’s a kind of a violent socialism in this society. The poor feel free to take from the rich. And so, perhaps, do we all as we deem God inadequate or unfair when He, who owns all, refuses to give us all we ask. “There are two ways to get enough. One is to continue to accumulate more and the other is to desire less.” – G.K. Chesterton

So we pray that these thieves find “enough” and that God continues his imaginative and generous redistributions in our lives so that our students would feel his care through feeding and the community too would feel our and His love not only for a few but for many.